Feeling at Home: Defining Who You Are and How You Want to Live - Hardcover

Author of twenty-four books, Alexandra Stoddard is a sought-after speaker on the art of living. Through her lectures, articles, and books such as Living a Beautiful Life, Things I Want My Daughters to Know, Time Alive, Grace Notes, Open Your Eyes, and Feeling at Home, she has inspired millions to pursue more fulfilling lives. She lives with her husband in New York City and Stonington Village, Connecticut.

Several years ago my daughter Brooke was sitting at a favorite cafe in Paris reflecting on how central France is to her life. Not only did she find her true self in France but her love of this country led her to a career in design and style. Something extraordinary happens to Brooke's face whenever she sets foot on French soil. She gets dimples. Ever since she was five, France has been a living reality in her philosophy and her way of experiencing the world. At that cafe that particular afternoon, reflecting on her good fortune to be able to make her home in Paris after graduating from college, she did something I would do--she got out her pen and a sheet of paper from her Filofax and wrote down the ten things that define who she is. She kept that list in her notebook all these years and came across it recently. What's powerful about this exercise is how true to her center these words continue to be. These words tumbled from pen to paper without conscious thought. They symbolize all the true meaning of her being.

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Over lunch in a French bistro on Madison Avenue, she shared with me these ten symbols that define who she is. I reached for pen and paper and wrote mine down. My husband, Peter, joined in and wrote down his. We laughed and laughed. Tears of joy rolled down our cheeks because of the ineffable liberation of our spirits. Here we are, three people who love each other dearly, who have shared a home together happily ever since Peter and I married in May 1974, yet each of us expresses our true selves so differently. That lunch was memorable because of the intimacy we felt toward each other and the feeling of freedom each of us experienced in defining who we are.

Because this experience was so powerful for all of us, I suggest you get out a pencil or pen and a piece of paper and write down the ten word symbols that tell who you truly are. Dont think. Your subconscious does all the work. Be there to record what emerges from the deepest recesses of your heart. This may be one of the sweetest moments of your entire life. Try it, and see for yourself how you feel.

Your Personal Book

The brilliant reuslt of the exercise you just completed is that you see your individuality in front of you. You have a unique mind and spirit. No matter what social conventions or habits you've learned, you are different from anyone else on earth. Once you tap into that awareness of your self, then the joy is in expressing that unique soul.

Buy a notebook to use as an exercise book as you read Feeling at Home. Think of this book as your own personal truth. By getting in tune and in touch with your truths, you can create a home that echoes your true spirit. When I ask you a question, write the answer in your notebook. The notebook will be our creative interaction.

I am going to share some deeply felt truths about our feelings at home. I want you to be challenged by them. Make notes, write your questions, answer those you wish to and, remember, there are no right answers. You will see that the questions lead you to your own reality, your own truth, your own answers. Your answers can't be answered by me (or anyone else), nor will I ask you all the right questions. Some will cause painful self-analysis and others will help you to see how well your needs are met at home. I want to stimulate your thinking about your daily life, your needs, and your desires.

The notebook you use to accompany Feeling at Home might be the best book ever written because it will be you at your core, free of social expectations and the anxieties of day-to-day living. Once you can touch that essential nature, you are free to live not only a beautiful life but a joyful existence in your earthly home.